My life is over. He called my mom a cougar. And now my life is over.
The janitor at my work, Phillip, comes in every day at 10:00. Phillip is in his 40's, still dresses in Fubu, and nobody can really understand his thick Ebonics. Nice guy, but blunt, and he'll say anything he's thinking at a rate of 10 decibels louder than the average talking level. So, the first day of work I meet Phillip when he asks me, "who YOU?". The second day of work he comes in and says,
"So Bridget, I been thinkin, you got yourself a sista up dare in Olympia?".
I laugh and reply, "Ya, but she's married Phillip, sorry".
"Dats okay, nuttin wrong wit dat!"
Next week he asks about my sister again, and this time I added her children into the equation..."Three kids too Phillip. Three kids."
"Like I say before, dats okay! I take her out on da town!"
I think its pretty funny. And then it happened.
Two days ago Phillip says to me, "I guess yo sister aint comin' down an'time soon huh?"
"Naw, she's really busy all the time with her kids"
"Dats okay, I wanna know more 'bout yo mom! I bet yo moms a cougar!"
You bet my Mom's a Cougar?!?!
Nobody has ever referred to my mother as a Cougar. And just in case you don't know:
Urban Dictionary definition of Cougar: Noun. 'A 35+ year old female who is on the "hunt" for a much younger, energetic, willing-to-do-anything male. The cougar can frequently be seen in a padded bra, cleavage exposed, propped up against a swanky bar in San Francisco (or other cities) waiting, watching, calculating; gearing up to sink her claws into an innocent young and strapping buck who happens to cross her path. "Man is cougar's number one prey"
All I have to say is... the only person that should be thinking 'cougar' thoughts about my mother, the woman who lovingly birthed me on that cloudy day in early June, is Norm. Plus, my mom doesn't go for men who wear Fubu. She's more of the Lee Jeans with a slight taper accompanied with some soft black Dr. Scholls kind of woman. That's what she's into.
My life is over.
5 comments:
It's kind of funny, yet kind of disturbing. A cougar? Really though? Hahaha!
a bit disurbing....aunt barb is a cutie for sure, but a predatory man eater in a push-up and stilettos?
you need to invite your mom to have lunch with you at work. (and i wanna come too!)
Haha that is too funny. Have you seen "Cougartown" that new show? It's actually funny! But doesn't remind me
of your mom at all!
hahaha this is the funniest thing i have ever heard!
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